Day 34

Hello. I just read up on Hegel, Husserl and Heidegger, and am supposed to be reading 60 more pages on Heidegger, but I can’t take it anymore, so here I am 😛

I wasn’t feeling too well over the weekend and mostly slacked and just like Faith, “minimise movement to a level necessary only to sustain life.” I’m back to feeling ok today, but oh man, work’s waiting for me. I have a presentation in less than 48 hours too, very early in the morning on Wednesday, and I’m quite nervous about it. I think I have an easy question to tackle (in that it’s a “what” question instead of a “why” or “how” or “evaluate critically” kind of question). Then again, there’s all the trauma from having failed the module before -.- This time round it’s much better, though, in terms of my own condition and also the teaching staff 🙂 I think it’ll be fine.

I’m starting to feel comfortable in the political science modules that I’m taking. Actually, to be honest, the ancient western political thought module starts to be…addictive. ._. Philosophy is getting a little better, too. (But I still think 10am is too early to be philosophising, and two days in a row, too -.-)

Had a really great Skype session yesterday night. I managed to become Faith’s kitchen assistant once again, hihihi, reading out the recipe and telling him what to do next XD I really enjoyed it. Hey, cook earlier next time :p It was sooo fun, it’s like being involved in each other’s lives again, instead of just telling what we had experienced the past few days.

Yeah, truth be told, over the weekend that I was “grounded”, “weeds” started to grow in the garden. I’m talking about fear and doubts here. If you add 10,000km to a relationship, you’re adding a lot of factors in. Things start to occur to the mind, things like “will we be able to maintain this connection?” and “what if we just run out of things to talk about and drift apart?”. I don’t have an answer to that. The only thing I can say to myself is that both of us will need to be more creative, especially as time goes by, so that our relationship remains interesting. It applies to every relationship, really, but with our means of communication limited by physical distance, we can’t just cuddle, or go to the cinema, or go for a swim together. Conventional things can’t be done, so we have to find substitutes. Effort + creativity + being with the right person should be a good recipe.

Meeting him again will be oh so sweet. With my powerful imagination I did manage to imagine a bit of how it would be like, but I think it’s only a meagre percentage of what it’ll be like in real life 🙂

Last night, right before I fell asleep, I suddenly thought and felt that all this seems like a dream. I can’t believe I’m with Faith. I can still remember time before I knew him, it was just slightly over a year ago that we got to know each other, and real slowly at first, too. For a moment, it felt like I could wake up any time and then mourn that it was all just a dream. (Might be a little too much philosophy -.- How do you know the world as it appears to you is real? I think philosophy is messing with my brain.)

I think it’s a good thing. (The feeling like it’s just a dream, not the ‘too much philosophy’ bit -.-)

I realised that this is one of the rare times in recent years in my life that I don’t feel like I’m living a double life, and it’s good. It used to feel like there are many faces of me, and really, it’s tiring to have to live different lives, so to say. Now, it feels to me like there’s a unity inside, a harmony between the different roles I play, the student, the daughter, the girlfriend, they’re one now. 🙂

I suspect that doing philosophy is doing good to me in the long run (and flipping my brain in the short run :P)

Love,
Hope

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