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Had another great Skype session last night 🙂 He complimented me so much yesterday, haha, I can’t help but to feel more confident about myself today. Admittedly things got hard, being so far away from each other, but I’m not giving up, and I hope and think he’s not giving up either. It makes me realise how much of LDR is really about having faith, not just in the sense that you have to trust that the other person won’t cheat, no, more importantly, is that we have to trust each other not to give up. If even just one party decides that he/she has had enough, then it’s the end. It freaks me out when I imagine one day he will just tell me he doesn’t want to do this anymore, but it’s silly worrying about it when everything’s fine in reality.

I’m doing ok. On weekdays I’m usually busy and meeting many people, so the worst that I feel is usually nothing, just numbness. Most of the days were great, there was a night and a morning of loneliness, but it was gone after I got back into my daily routine. Weekends are a bit trickier. Sometimes it just feels like how it felt back when I had depression. It’s not that bad, I think, but there’s just this big inertia to just get me to do something other than sleep or eat or stone in front of my computer. There’s work to be done, but on weekends it feels as if I’m on paralysis.

Today was quite, eh, wasted. I took in something dairy yesterday and spent today sleeping it off due to my allergy -_- Now I’m fine again, physically, but I just don’t feel like doing anything. It might be okay not to do anything, but in reality I have much things to do :/

Weekends are needed. I can’t go through busy weekday after another, I’ll collapse. However, it’s always on weekends that I merely become an existence. It’s on weekends that it seems like it will be a lifetime before I see Faith again. How I long to be held in his arms!

Right now I want to split into two and console myself :/ Hug myself, and tell her that it’s okay to stop and sit down somewhere, not moving. Yes, yes, things have to be done, but you don’t have to beat yourself over not doing them. Some days are just tougher than others. It’s okay to be down, don’t blame yourself. In time, you’ll pick yourself up again :’)

Love,
Hope

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