Sorry for the long absence! This semester turns to be the craziest semester I ever have (so far). Juggling six classes is already something, and I’m having a presentation every week for now and the next two weeks, not to mention final tests (physics and chinese), oral test (chinese), aaaaand the most important thing: TestDaf – something like a German version of TOEFL, that I need to pass and score well to apply for some of the master programmes in Germany. There are three papers due within three weeks too, but I’ve written them all way before the deadlines (two 5 weeks in advance and one 7 weeks in advance, in anticipation of this crazy period). I’m sooo thankful for the past me for getting shit done.

I marvel at how I’m still standing, going out with friends every now and then and not being depressed and crying in my bed hours on end. I do get depressed days last week, but it lasted some three days and I bounced back after.

A lot of things had been on my mind, but for today, I guess I’ll settle with just update on my current situation, haha.

Last week, I was in that bad place again. Not for too long, but at the time, it felt like forever. So I was getting some 14-16 hours of sleep for three consecutive nights, and I had crying spells during those three days. I skipped classes on two days, and the other one day was a public holiday. On the last of the three days, I was curled up in my bed, crying, before I felt so sick of all this crying. I put on my running shoes and went on a walk/jog. I felt mentally better after that, but hell, the next day my hips were hurting. (I have some pre-existing conditions.) It was ok after a swim on weekend, and mentally, I completed rebuildingĀ myself after a Skype session with Faith, too. I haven’t been crying since. Just back to numbness, could be better, could be worse.

Anyway, I was freaking out last week, about how depression might mess up my relationship. I decided to see a counsellor. The waiting list was long, though, it being this late in the semester when everyone’s really stressed, and the earliest appointment I can get is in two weeks’ time (so next week).

I don’t really know what to expect when I see the counsellor next week. Do I even know my problems? Maybe. What I feel about my life is quite mercurial, though, I change from one day to the next. It would be quite strange if I see the counsellor when I’m at my highest XD But I guess I just need an additional person to talk to. It won’t be easy opening up to someone new, but it’s something that needs to be done, both for myself, and for my relationship.

Man, I’m sleepy. I’m supposed to be working on my project, but the bed is inviting me…



Can’t stay mad

It’s so annoying -.- I just can’t stay mad at Faith. Yesterday he sent me a message, asking if I want to Skype today. Today, there was no reply all day long, and I went through the process of feeling impatient, worried, annoyed, and then worried again, and then back to irritated, not to mention weak and sick from food poisoning/diarrhea. I gave him a call, but the line was occupied. The thing is, I have no idea until what time I should wait. I remembered something along the line of him wanting to go back to his hometown today, which means quite a number of hours of travel, and which means I might need to wait quite long. I don’t mind waiting quite long, I mind not knowing how long I have to wait for.

I thought of just giving up and go and play a game or something, haha. Then I decided to try calling him again. Still feeling annoyed, I dialled his number, thinking of giving him a piece of my mind and thinking about asking him if I can sulk, because I felt like sulking šŸ˜¦ It might be me beingĀ in a very tech-savvy city with everyone being wired to their phone, but I can’t see the reasons you can’t use your cell phone for a minute to drop a “I’m kinda busy but I’ll type more later” during the course of theĀ morning (and early afternoon).

This time, the line was not occupied. I waited at the dial tone, and then he picked up and said, “Hello?”

And that was it.Ā I couldn’t stay mad anymore -_-

Yeah, and well, my stomach was finally behaving itself :p

See if I can express my annoyances later, even if I’m not annoyed anymore. I think it’s good practice for speaking up. Or see if he can come up with good enough reasons :p

Now, another wait. Shall pick up my other boyfriend in the mean time, the guitar šŸ˜€