Updates!

Sorry for the long absence! This semester turns to be the craziest semester I ever have (so far). Juggling six classes is already something, and I’m having a presentation every week for now and the next two weeks, not to mention final tests (physics and chinese), oral test (chinese), aaaaand the most important thing: TestDaf – something like a German version of TOEFL, that I need to pass and score well to apply for some of the master programmes in Germany. There are three papers due within three weeks too, but I’ve written them all way before the deadlines (two 5 weeks in advance and one 7 weeks in advance, in anticipation of this crazy period). I’m sooo thankful for the past me for getting shit done.

I marvel at how I’m still standing, going out with friends every now and then and not being depressed and crying in my bed hours on end. I do get depressed days last week, but it lasted some three days and I bounced back after.

A lot of things had been on my mind, but for today, I guess I’ll settle with just update on my current situation, haha.

Last week, I was in that bad place again. Not for too long, but at the time, it felt like forever. So I was getting some 14-16 hours of sleep for three consecutive nights, and I had crying spells during those three days. I skipped classes on two days, and the other one day was a public holiday. On the last of the three days, I was curled up in my bed, crying, before I felt so sick of all this crying. I put on my running shoes and went on a walk/jog. I felt mentally better after that, but hell, the next day my hips were hurting. (I have some pre-existing conditions.) It was ok after a swim on weekend, and mentally, I completed rebuilding myself after a Skype session with Faith, too. I haven’t been crying since. Just back to numbness, could be better, could be worse.

Anyway, I was freaking out last week, about how depression might mess up my relationship. I decided to see a counsellor. The waiting list was long, though, it being this late in the semester when everyone’s really stressed, and the earliest appointment I can get is in two weeks’ time (so next week).

I don’t really know what to expect when I see the counsellor next week. Do I even know my problems? Maybe. What I feel about my life is quite mercurial, though, I change from one day to the next. It would be quite strange if I see the counsellor when I’m at my highest XD But I guess I just need an additional person to talk to. It won’t be easy opening up to someone new, but it’s something that needs to be done, both for myself, and for my relationship.

Man, I’m sleepy. I’m supposed to be working on my project, but the bed is inviting me…

Love,
Hope

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